It was 2014 and I was doing my A Levels. Around that time, I had my first heartbreak. Yes, I fell in love with a boy and vise versa or so I thought. We dated for 4-6 months and "suddenly" he remembered a request that his mother had made, which was not to fall in love with a girl until he had completed his A Levels. So, we broke up. He was my first love, so you know how it feels. I felt completely lost and I felt alone even among a crowd and that feeling was horrible. I cried day in and day out and was left in a complete mess.
It came to a point where my sorrow turned into revenge and it lead me to make a very stupid decision, where I started to date one of his friends. It didn't even last two months. By the time I realized how stupid I was, I had already become a hot topic among those people who love to spread rumors about others. I was aware that I was known as a slut behind my back. I was neglected by my friends as they started to trust the rumors. Hence, I was alone.
Although I had few people who I trusted, I couldn't reach out to them as they were dealing with problems of their own. The feeling of loneliness therefore scared the hell out of me. I found it hard to find a reason to live. I looked everywhere but I didn't find a reason. I began to feel that everyone around me hated me, including my mom. She wasn't an understanding person anyway. Whatever I said, whether it was true or false, it didn't matter to her. She understood what she wanted to understand. Therefore, I was worried about what she and the others thought about me when the rumors were spreading all around. These thoughts drove me crazy. I hated everyone; including myself.
So one day, I reached my limits where I gave up and decided to take my own life. I smashed my pencil sharpener, took the blade out and cut my wrist several times. One cut went really deep and I bled a lot. I began to scream because it was too painful. My mom saw me and quickly took me to the doctor where I had to get several stitches. While I was lying there I saw mom across the room, and for the first time in my life she looked so helpless. She was the strongest woman I know but that day she looked helpless and I could feel the pain even though she wasn't close to me. When I went back home with my mom she just hugged me and said "please don't leave me alone, you're all I got; I may not be the best mom I know, but this is all I could do for you and me......"
Long story short, I was saved that day and I now know why, because my purpose in life hasn't yet been fulfilled and that purpose is to be a source of hope for others. Although it's hard to comprehend at first how a hopeless person can be a ray of hope to others, in my case, I signify hope to my mom, myself and everyone else in my life. For some reason they all come to me whenever they're going through the same situation I faced and they've told me that without me they won't be who they are today.
I'm glad that I survived that day, so that today, I am helping people with my own experiences in life. I know that this life is not easy to live, but.....it's never easy for anyone. What's going to happen will happen regardless, therefore we shouldn't stress over something that we are not sure of.
It's hard to stay strong all the time, but in the end it'll pay off. We will all make it through, somehow. I now have set a goal to earn enough money so that I can do a plastic surgery and hide those ugly scars on my hand. I turned my scary past into a life goal, and so can YOU!
This blog showcase stories, experiences and poems of brave individuals who were willing to share their creative personal thoughts in the hopes of helping another one in need...