The words my father once told me still keep ringing in my ears....
"I'm always here to help you and support your decisions...but remember, if you run now you'll keep running forever. Stand strong and fight!"
And that's exactly what I did and continue to keep doing up to date. My scars made me a fighter and most importantly a survivor to be able to live another day......
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you and testing you when you least expect it. People, situations and circumstances sometimes challenge your mental and physical strength so hard that it commands your entire atmosphere like a tornado. It spins everything around in circles until you're suddenly stuck sorting through the aftermath of a once healthy life.
Depression hit me really hard a couple of years ago. I struggled to keep my job together, to come across as 'normal' and 'in control' in front of my family and friends...at least for the ones I didn't end up pushing away. My life was simply torn to shreds and I was hanging by a very thin thread. When you give into your mental illness it's easy to feel like you have lost complete control. Like it'll never get better. Like your every move is dictated and you're a puppet whose strings are attached to something or someone that has far more power than yourself. That's the thing though...it took me a long time to understand that 'You're not a puppet! You're not a victim! You are far braver and more powerful than you could ever imagine!'
Most days were a challenge. I would fight with myself to get out of bed, to get dressed and eat. I started losing weight faster than I could keep track of. I would sometimes just feel so powerless that I would give up and hide away. That's the thing though...symptoms are nothing but just symptoms. They are treatable and conquerable...'My thoughts and behaviours are my own, and I have more power over them than I might initially think!'
My family was my strength. They loved me unconditionally and inspired me to keep fighting through it all. They helped me remember that I was worthy and more powerful than I could ever imagine. But it wasn't that easy. Once I found an ounce of strength I wanted to get up and run far away from everything that reminded me of what lead me to feel so low in the first place. I didn't want to face the world or people who hurt me. I just wanted to escape. But that was when my father sat me down and told me the one thing that helped me change my life forever...."I'm always here to help you and support your decisions...but remember, if you run now you'll keep running forever. Stand strong and fight!"
It's easy to sometimes feel that emotions and bad memories have the power. That mood swings have the power. Medications have the power. Those cuts and bruises on your wrists have the power. However, as contrary as it may seem, mental illnesses are surmountable. Sometimes you just have to be tossed through strong winds that swirl your life out of control and you're left to sort through the remains of the rubble to rediscover your strength. And just like Glinda the Good Witch in the Wizard of Oz says, “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”
With much love,
This blog showcase stories, experiences and poems of brave individuals who were willing to share their creative personal thoughts in the hopes of helping another one in need...